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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021447">broken crayons still color</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkBlotAngel/pseuds/InkBlotAngel'>InkBlotAngel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie Is a Good Bro, Character Study, Fudging Science, Gen, Jemma Simmons Needs a Hug, Lemons, Melinda May Feels, Melinda May's New Powers, Questionable Color Theory, Season/Series 07, Skye | Daisy Johnson Has Issues, Sort Of, Yo Yo Rodriguez Can't Yo Yo, just go with it, of the Deke Shaw Variety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:07:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,320</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021447</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkBlotAngel/pseuds/InkBlotAngel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"How are you?" can be such an overwhelming question, it's almost instinctive to just answer, "I'm fine." But Melinda May has a better way of knowing how everyone really is feeling, all without asking.</p><p>Five times Melinda May explores her new powers, and the one time it doesn't work.</p><p>Spoilers for season seven.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie &amp; Melinda May, Life Model Decoy Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Melinda May &amp; Deke Shaw, Melinda May &amp; Jemma Simmons, Melinda May &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May &amp; Yo Yo Rodriguez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>broken crayons still color</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctuaria/gifts">Sanctuaria</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was something I had in mind when we discovered May's new empath abilities, although I had to build up the courage to write it all down. I can only hope it does the characters justice, especially as it's also my first time writing about some of them people in-depth. Feedback (and lemon emojis) would be very much appreciated.</p><p>Thank you to the lovely Sanctuaria for all the encouragement!</p><p>Spoilers all the way up until 7x05.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She moves against the incorporeal beings, outnumbered and overpowered all at once. They pull at her from every direction, an endless torrent of soulless eyes, blurry limbs, and deathly anger; she twists and turns with breathless grace, wondering when this nightmare was going to end.</p><p>And yet somehow, in this dimension she was invincible. Her motions, fluid like water and smooth like silk, take down her opponents as if she was an ivory domino toppling down the rest of the tiles. It was gradual yet synchronous the way they fell in dark heaps surrounding her.</p><p><em>Like Bahrain</em>, the thought briefly crosses her mind as she swiftly defeats another one and steadies herself for the next onslaught. She should be in pain right now, sore, or even just a little bit winded, but she was strength personified, unable to get tired, unable to <em>die</em>.</p><p>It’s a mystery that will have to wait to be solved later, she decides, her lips curling in a cruel snarl, ugly against the drip of blood at the corner of her mouth. She tightens her hands on the handle of the sword and takes a deep breath.</p><p>On the other side of the realm, mortal once more, Melinda May finally succumbs to her fatal wounds.</p><p>Everything turns black.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Deke is yellow, a bright ray of sunshine streaming through the Zephyr, glass and metal etched with tales of their adventures, yet ever so resilient and dependable as always.</p><p>May keeps her hold on his wrists, in place after she expertly parried his attack, closing her eyes as the still-unfamiliar swell of someone else’s emotions overwhelms her. Right on the onset, Deke is nervous, a sensation that she attributes to his first day of combat training with her. She smirks at that, mirroring his playful nature, while she unthinkingly follows the glow of yellow—she’s still trying to figure out her powers—and reaches further into his psyche.</p><p>He has always been cautious from years of living in the Lighthouse under Kasius’ regime, forced to keep his head down and stay out of trouble. It was something that was reinforced when his mother was taken away, then his father sent above-ground, and Deke <em>likes</em> staying alive, thank you very much.</p><p>These days, he’s unsure of his footing, being out of time and completely over his head, always wondering—always <em>worried</em>—if and when he was going to disappear from existence. It doesn’t help that Nana has been deflecting questions about Fitz with an air of strangeness that deeply unsettles him, and not for the first time he is curious about the secrets she’s been keeping.</p><p>But May, exploring deeper, also finds a burst of something else—happiness, she identifies with amazement. Somehow, even when his life turned upside down the moment the team showed up in the future, Deke has maintained an easy-going mindset, choosing to appreciate experiences he knows only so few actually go through. </p><p>It wasn’t even that anything was better than the grim future in the Lighthouse, but here he was, really trying to make the most out of everything. Their ongoing mission has thrown a lot of unexpected hurdles their way, which would have easily weighed down any other agent, but here Deke was staying positive and hopeful through it all.</p><p>Somewhere in there, May feels his lingering sadness over his parents and the people he cared about back in the Lighthouse, but also an outburst of love and worry for his Nana and Bobo, an emotional attraction to Daisy that she gently retracts from out of respect, and for the rest of the team deep respect, and… she struggles a little to identify the sensation, but it feels stronger, and somewhat slightly targeted to her. <em>Fondness</em>.</p><p>May opens her eyes to find Deke smiling down at her, looking almost shy. She lets his wrist go, and although she’s still feeling the remnants of his emotions, she’s also confused. She tilts her head to the side questioningly, the <em>why</em> hanging unspoken in the air. Without a doubt, Deke is part of this team as much as everyone else is, though she doesn’t think she’s ever been anything but civil (at least) to the man.</p><p>He understands and hopes that somehow their proximity will let her feel that. "I know it sounds weird," he begins, trying not to ramble because <em>clearly</em>, they were having a moment here. "But you guys, you're my family now."</p><p>Deke’s feelings are strong and real, and they make sense more than words can ever try to explain. She grins up at him, his energy bouncing off on her, and resumes her starting stance. “Ready to try again, Agent Shaw?”</p><p>Through the constant contact from their sparing, there was an easygoing smile lighting up May’s face the entire time and the unspoken agreement that this was going to be their little secret.</p><p>Later that evening, enough time for her new abilities to empty her of any feeling, she finds a lone yellow lemon in her bunk.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Yo-Yo is red, blazing as the metaphorical fire that keeps them going even when everything attempts to put them out.</p><p>May feels rather than sees the color, the emotions coming in hot the moment she touches skin that wasn’t artificial, skin that was warm and <em>alive</em>, crimson blood running through veins. May gasps in shock and drops her hand from the other woman’s forearm, the encounter over in a heartbeat as quick as one of Yo-Yo’s superspeed bursts.</p><p>But as May was slowly becoming accustomed to, the emotions don’t leave immediately.</p><p>Red is a lot of things, most of them perfectly capturing Yo-Yo as if the color itself was created with her in mind. In fact, May almost doesn’t need her new powers to know how she’s feeling; Yo-Yo tends to wear her emotions close to the surface, and she’s unabashed and unapologetic about it.</p><p>At that very moment, Yo-Yo is aggravated, her frustration palpable in the air. It's been days since Simmons cleared her from any possible complications due to the Shrike, as much as biology can determine anyway, yet somehow her abilities still aren't back to normal.</p><p>She’s noticed improvements, of course—she’s definitely faster now since that fateful evening at the speakeasy, but it was not enough to leave the Zephyr before it jumped three years after 1973. There was also nothing wrong at all with her new arms, as May and Simmons confirmed just a few minutes ago, the technology so state-of-the-art and flawless that clearly, the only thing wrong was <em>her</em>.</p><p>She’s being hard on herself, May thinks, wallowing in blame that absolutely no one is placing on her. But she understands. Yo-Yo’s passion, always clear on display for people to see, is almost Inhuman in nature. It put her on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar, and since then it has only made her a force to be reckoned with, keeps her going mission after mission. And, well, if there are moments in which she defines herself by her powers and they happen more often than not, who could fault her for that, really?</p><p>Red is fast, almost instantaneous, just like Yo-Yo’s abilities gifting her chances in such a short span of time, more than anyone else could have in a heartbeat.</p><p>Yet, she always snaps back into place. While other people might interpret it as a limitation of her powers, to Yo-Yo it’s her greatest gesture of love, a reliable way of letting her team know that she will always come back for them, that she will never abandon them.</p><p>Sometimes, Yo-Yo needs to be reminded of that.</p><p>And so May does, hands reaching up once more to help roll down Yo-Yo’s sleeve over her prosthetic arm, then intertwines their fingers together, synthetic skin perfectly attuned to Yo-Yo’s feelings against real flesh so detached from her own emotions.</p><p>She may not get anything from the gesture, but she knows Yo-Yo can.</p><p>For now, it’s what counts.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Mack is green, of lush fields from her viewpoint in the sky as she gracefully maneuvers planes into a gradual descent. It makes her think of simpler times, of unhurried afternoons in the cockpit, of being in her element.</p><p>Tranquility is but a concept these days, although May has often deluded herself into thinking it’s the closest she comes to actually feeling. But now, with Mack’s hand resting on her shoulder, she realizes just how wrong she is.</p><p>(And that she’s just completely empty.)</p><p>She’s awash with peace, as if it’s five in the morning and she has the world all to herself and moving through her Tai Chi routine with uninterrupted ease. If she wasn’t mirroring Mack’s emotional state, she thinks she would probably be sobbing in sheer relief and longing familiarity—<em>this</em> is what she misses.</p><p>Mack is calm and stable, near-unthinkable in the face of the timeline falling apart. He has to be, May considers, with everyone looking to him for guidance and leadership and answers to questions he has never even thought of asking.</p><p>Chasing the glimmering green of his being, she comes to the realization that this feeling isn’t something he’s forcing on himself, that he’s not just putting on a show for people to see. It’s completely innate, out of the pureness of his own heart and the desire to <em>do good</em>, He reminds her of another man, one with warm brown eyes and easygoing smiles that made her fall head over heels, and a lovingly serene presence she once found a home in.</p><p>
  <em>Do good, Melinda, and get home safe,</em>
</p><p>She’s taken aback by the raw ache of missing someone who was no longer there and, curious, she tilts her head upwards to look at Mack. The answer is unmistakable in his own eyes, tangible and abstract alike with something that has been the driving force of all of the choices he’s made.</p><p>Mack has come a long way from being just the mechanic, growing into himself along the way, nurtured by the faith he’s steadfastly kept all this time and nourished by experiences he’s gone through, including losing a daughter who was very much real to him as she wasn’t for everyone else.</p><p>May thinks back to the day he was appointed as the new Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and smiles softly at the memory, marveling at how out of all the decisions they’ve had to make as a group, putting Mack in charge was one thing they did right. Mack, always steady and reliable, serving as an anchor that grounded the whole team even with unknown forces in their midst. And evil robots.</p><p>As Mack gives her shoulder a comforting squeeze—gentle, for his size and her strength—they take a moment to mourn the ones they’ve lost<em> (Katya, Isabelle, Andrew, Hope, Phil)</em> before moving forwards with a newfound sense of something May hasn’t felt in a while, even before her powers manifested:</p><p>Hope.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jemma is blue, serene and unpredictable as the vast ocean that she conquered, hard as it attempted to lose her forever in its great depths.</p><p>Her hands are examining May’s once-fatal wound, latex-covered fingertips gently brushing against the unblemished skin of the other woman’s abdomen, and through the medical gloves May feels the spark of Jemma’s satisfaction: the healing chamber has done its job perfectly despite her being in it much shorter than recommended. What she’s not is surprised at all—May has always been rather quick to heal, almost Inhumanely so (she’s not one, Jemma checked just to be sure).</p><p>Her brief moment of happiness fades into focused sorrow, and while May’s abilities are limited to reading emotion, she knows Jemma enough to figure out what was bothering the younger agent.</p><p>“That wasn’t him,” she states frankly, sounding as morose as Jemma felt at that moment. "Not our Coulson."</p><p>Jemma sighs, her sad smile beautiful yet devastating. “I know.”</p><p>The melancholy lingers as she methodically completes her check-up, her demeanor for once tempering May’s usual impatience when it comes to these things. May feels the shift—it’s less about the thought of Sarge hurting her and becomes more all-encompassing now, too much to understand all at once and betraying Jemma’s outwardly calm composure.</p><p>Fitz is in the heart of it all, and the longing Jemma feels is naked and painful, crashing into May like a wave. For as long as this team came into existence, there was no Simmons without Fitz and the other way around—a fact that was widely accepted even before they became something more, maybe even before the both of them knew it.</p><p>This undying devotion is what led them to survive the deep blue sea with one life at stake, for Fitz to bravely cross into the sapphire world of Maveth, to conquer cerulean-skinned aliens together, and now follow the azure haze of time-travel even as it tore them apart.</p><p>But Jemma, May notes, is still standing—struggling to, yes—but finding her strength in Fitz’s absence instead of allowing her isolation to break her.</p><p>There's also unwavering confidence and love that feels slightly duller, though not by Jemma's own doing. It seems somewhat disconnected as if there was interference, and May grabs Jemma’s bare arm with uncharacteristic franticness, trying to chase the mysterious sensation before it went away. It’s more blue-gray than Jemma’s own brighter energy, and May’s eyes widen as she finally realizes what it was—or rather, who. <em>Fitz</em>.</p><p>She knew FitzSimmons’ bond was strong, but for that to be able to transcend through time and possibly space and galaxies apart that May can feel him through Jemma is almost magical.</p><p>
  <em>Magic is just science we don’t understand yet.</em>
</p><p>“M-may?” Fitz fades into the background as Jemma’s worry takes over.</p><p>May’s mind is racing, trying to figure out what was it exactly that just happened. She forces a smile through Jemma’s nerves. “It’s Fitz,” she explains, and with that alone she feels the dissonance of Jemma’s kaleidoscopic emotions. “I was feeling what you felt, and there suddenly there was this moment that I thought I was feeling him too.</p><p>Jemma gasps, eyes lighting up with shock and maybe a hundred theories, hands unthinkingly reaching out to cover May’s own. “May, that’s <em>amazing</em>! How was he feeling?”</p><p>“Like everything’s going to be alright, soon” May responds with brimming enthusiasm, returning Jemma’s grasp. “And that he loves you very much.”</p><p>Much later, long after she sends her fellow agent away with a clean bill of health, Jemma rubs the base of her neck with an uneasiness she’s relieved May isn’t around to feel.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Daisy is purple, like the darkness of the night skies gradually giving way to light, or the way the horizon is painted as the sun sets day after day.</p><p>From the very first moment she met Daisy, May knew she was difficult to figure out. Some aspects are not her own doing: a mysterious origin, gaining powers from something no one fully understood at first. For other aspects, it stems from Daisy’s own tendency to keep things to herself, often with misguided intentions of protecting the people she loves.</p><p>(She should know. She invented that move.)</p><p>So when Daisy shows up at the cockpit one day and wordlessly waits until her former S.O. sets the Zephyr in autopilot, May doesn’t know why. Nor does she ask, not aloud anyway, but she knows Daisy hears the unspoken question in the air.</p><p>“Do you mind if I—” she stammers over her words, unsure, fidgeting in the co-pilot’s seat, leaning forward but pulling herself back hesitantly. “Can I hug you?”</p><p>May considers her young charge for a moment, her face impassive, a smooth canvass devoid of any feeling. It hasn’t slipped her notice that Daisy’s been tiptoeing around her these past few days, always careful to avoid any unnecessary contact as if she’s afraid she’ll cross a line, treating her like the delicate china she isn’t. If she was capable of feeling anything, she would probably be annoyed.</p><p>The request is surprising, to say the least. But she appreciates, is touched even, at Daisy asking permission. It's something new to be considered, something to live with from now on.</p><p>Finally, May nods, unbuckling her seatbelt, wondering how Daisy wants to go about this when she feels herself suddenly drawn into the other woman’s embrace, arms wrapping tightly around May’s shoulders.</p><p>It was a little awkward with all the control panels between them, but May suddenly could care less, taken aback by the sheer radiance of Daisy’s feelings. Fear, she registers, and it compels her to bring her own arms up and return Daisy’s hug.</p><p>Daisy has always known fear, one of the first feelings she experienced the moment she understood what those were. It was there whenever she got thrown out of one foster home and into another, and it was there when she stepped into the underground city and out the husk that gave her Inhuman abilities. Over time she’s learned to manage it but it remains a constant companion, one that she holds close to the vest.</p><p>Until now. In May’s arms, her fear is laid out bare.</p><p>May's heart breaks as they hold on to each other, eyes tearing up with understanding. Daisy wasn't afraid of her; she was afraid to put her guard down, to expose her vulnerabilities, not because she was being selfish but she was afraid to hurt May with her emotions. It’s just so… <em>Daisy</em> that she can’t help but sigh with an exasperation she didn’t exactly feel.</p><p>Unthinkingly, May presses on, unraveling Daisy further. Beyond the fear that was so close to the surface was the Daisy that she allowed the world to see: courageous and proud, often to the point of being stubborn to a fault and unable to see the bigger picture, nonetheless qualities that have shaped her into the hero that she is today. One that Melinda May is herself so proud of.</p><p>Not for the first time, May wishes her powers also worked in reverse and allowed her to express her own emotions back, but the yearning is stronger now, wanting Daisy to know how much she loves her back, and that for as long as she lives and breathes, she will do her best to protect Daisy from all the things she’s afraid of.</p><p>But it doesn’t work that way, so she expresses it in words instead.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Coulson is white, the absence of color, technically speaking.</p><p>May still doesn’t get anything off him, not by contact and certainly not by proximity. She should feel something, but she feels absolutely <em>nothing</em>.</p><p>He’s so lifelike that the lack of emotions actually does puzzle her, the one flaw in his otherwise perfect Chronicom software. But the true sparkle in his eyes, ones that playfully shone with his love for her during those seemingly endless days in Tahiti, is not there. Instead, it’s replaced by harsh white LED to mimic the appearance, the effect artificial and unsettling.</p><p>This is not her Phil.</p><p>A bland smile, and he lets go of her hand to join the rest of the team.</p><p>That’s when she finally sees the rainbow. She sees Deke shimmering, Yo-Yo blazing, Mack shining, Jemma luminous, Daisy lustrous.</p><p>And Coulson, the white light reflecting all the colors of the visible light spectrum—the force that’s holding the team together.</p><p>
  <em>(She sees them.)</em>
</p><p>She and this Coulson are the opposites. He is a life model decoy, she is human. He will be turned off once their mission is completed, she will live out the rest of the days. He is bright as white, she is dark as black.</p><p>Black is the absence of light. That will never change, she knows.</p><p>But black is also the presence of all colors, and basking in the aura of the people around her, Melinda May suddenly doesn’t feel empty anymore.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>END.</strong>
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